Does Religion influence your SEX Life?

12/06/10 0 COMMENTS

Sacred Sex

[ 0 ] June 3, 2010 | Dr. Sonjia
Does religion influence your sex life?

If so, you’re nothing like the Miamians I asked, each of whom assured
me that the church buts out of their bedroom. Don’t misunderstand
the situation because I didn’t speak to any atheists and all admitted
they attended services (at least on holidays) at their church, mosque,
or temple. Despite attempts to stay in the good graces of God, most
also admitted to contradicting renowned religious rules by doing the
deed premaritally, praying to prevent procreation. But is it really
rationale for religion to reject the righteous ritual of lovers
lusting to learn?

The Baptist, Catholic, Hindu, Islamic, Jewish, Methodist and Mormon
religions all frown, if not forbid, sex outside of marriage.
Buddhism blesses sex if the persons involved believe it’s for the
right reasons, and some reform branches of Judaism are also lifting
the guilt on committed couples shacking up. But you better wait for
wedding bells if you’re a member of the other religions because sex
among singles is still considered sinful. So how’s that working out?

The idea of amorous activity among adolescents was absolutely absurd
to the nuns ruling the all-girls high school I attended so sex
education was never administered and one of my closest Catholic
friends delivered her baby just before 12th grade graduation. Several
years later I was a young professor in New York teaching human
sexuality when a 22 year old Muslim male student approached me for
advice on overcoming disturbing dreams that caused him to wake daily
at dawn to wash his sheets before his mother obtained evidence of his
desperate desires. He described his attraction to women and his
struggles to control what he considered immoral, unacceptable
behavior. TV was turned off to reduce temptation, masturbation was
also a religious violation, and he was not allowed to date or marry
until his older brother married, a prospect which was nowhere in
sight. Overwhelmed with shame about his inability to abstain, he
willed the unconscious explosions to stop while he slept.
Unfortunately praying doesn’t provide practical relief from nature’s
normal urges and punishing people for practicing pleasure upon oneself
in response to real hormonal reactions isn’t increasing attendance at

Solo sex provides fool proof protection from unwanted consequences yet
many religious figures demonize desires to do yourself even when
marriage isn’t an accessible option. Years ago, Christian pastors
orally attacked me after I hosted a health radio show in the Cayman
Islands involving a caller that asked if masturbation could be harmful
to his health. Without ever using the ‘M’ word, I assured him
addiction was the only potential risk and provided information to help
determine if his habit qualified him as an addict. The Christian
pastors were livid and loud, shouting about the sinfulness of self
stimulation while simultaneous whispers of “everyone does it” followed
me all over the island. Here’s the real deal: Religious rules and
bedroom behaviors rarely coexist in reality.

Like almost half of all Jewish people, a Jewish girlfriend of mine is
in love with a non-Jewish man whom she lives with. We listened to
the birds chirp over brunch at Scorch last weekend and I asked how
religion influenced her sex life. “Sex is blessed in the Jewish
religion.” She is certainly right if we’re discussing married people
whom are both Jewish but, according to the information I got my hands
on, absolute acceptance isn’t assured when interfaith and premarital
play are in the mix. Are people pioneering new religious norms to fit
into their lifestyle?

Another friend of mine is an unmarried mother of five children
fathered by the same man. She lives with the father of her children
and dresses to the nines every Sunday to attend Baptist church with
her family. Contrary to Baptist principles that denounce sex outside
of a legally recognized marriage, she explained that she doesn’t need
an official piece of paper to define her relationship bond and
considers herself married. Do religious practices guide anyone’s
private decisions anymore?

Apparently not. In 2004, the U.S. Census reported the average age of
marriage in the U.S. is almost 26 for women and over 27 for men. In
contrast, most kids are having sex before they get out of high school.
Are these kids’ normal or immoral indications of religion’s failure to
halt hormones?

If religion wants to be an influential part of productive societies,
it’s time for religion to grow up along with the rest of the world.
Long ago, females got married before puberty and developed into a
woman under the watchful eyes of her husband’s family before having
sex. There was no possibility of intercourse outside of marriage
because she was locked down at 12 years old. Times have changed and in
most places, it’s illegal for children to be married before puberty.
Isn’t it time for religion to change too?

Lots of people are searching to believe in something bigger than self
and need someone to believe in them. Religious leaders are missing
awesome recruitment opportunities by enforcing unrealistic behavior
codes that foster, guilt and shame among single people in love. More
seekers would accept the healing powers of the church/mosque/temple if
they felt accepted, appreciated, needed, and normal. Casting human
desires that have existed throughout history as evil is so over. If
religion wants more players in the game, the rules have to be updated
to accept some safe, satisfying self-loving as well as sensual
relationships among singles.

As one respondent perfectly summarized, “It’s time for the Church to
realize we’re all the same religion in the bedroom, saying the same
prayer, “Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!”

(Mistress Eva says: it should be “Oh Goddess! Oh Goddess! Oh Goddess!”)